New Dads

                                                             Fathers

     I felt inspired to write this following an infant massage class I had the honor of teaching yesterday, while ironically, the Women’s March was happening simultaneously across the nation. I am in total support of women being empowered, in general ,and especially through the rites of passage of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. In light of that, yesterday, 4 couples showed up for the class. Yes, couples, not just the moms.  I got to witness 2 parents invested in their child’s well-being, not just one. I was so deeply moved by these brave parents, who were going through the thick of this change together, as partners. They were all going through sleepless nights, changed bodies, identities, roles, relationships in the process of transforming, knowing nothing could have prepared them for this journey. It was quite beautiful to behold the tenderhearted men, who were discovering the softer parts of themselves in fatherhood. Uncertain of this terrain, yet stepping into it, willing to support mom,connect with their babe, and navigate this slippery slope without a roadmap. I feel it is imperative to support the partnerships that bring a baby into this world, as the partnership is the foundation of the family. Men and women carry both masculine and feminine energies and parenthood can bring these to the fore. The couple itself needs to be nurtured, in order to create a safe, secure, and solid foundation for the child. Ideally, the partnership is strengthened prior to pregnancy. This is not always the case. Every partnership has its own history and challenges. When people become parents their “parent programs” and history can bring forth unconscious thoughts, patterns, fears, roles, and challenges. It is important to have healthy communication skills in order to navigate the challenges that come with these changing roles. One of the most heartbreaking things I see is when the mom has had her baby and is so beautifully engaged and fixated on her little one, while her partner is following aimlessly in the background, unseen, unacknowledged, and looking a little helpless, disconnected, and lost, uncertain of their value or role. “On the outside looking in,” so to speak. I think it is important for healthcare providers to help prevent this scenario if possible, by offering support, classes, not just for moms, but for their partners, as well. It takes two to create this life and it takes more than 2 to nurture and support the couple, as they are traversing this new terrain.

    I first stepped into motherhood 26 years ago. When I was born father’s weren’t allowed in the birthing rooms. They were cut off or disconnected from the beginning. Their roles were defined, as the providers. The moms and grandmothers raised the children. Most of the women were at home and were able to form friendships, support, and community. When I birthed my first child, I was a single mother. I was isolated with no community. When I birthed my other 2, I was married and still isolated. I was at home and knew one other mother who was also at home. The father of my children worked. He felt no other obligation and we did not have a parental partnership. This was a very difficult role to play. When I see couples parenting together, it warms my heart, because this seems like a more natural and supportive approach to parenting. I want to acknowledge all the dads who showed up yesterday to connect with their babies in such an intimate way. I can only imagine the beautiful humans that will emerge from receiving such loving tenderness from both parents. This inspires me to offer whatever I can in support of couples entering the rite of passage of parenthood and embarking on this courageous journey together.

Please send any suggestions to mother-touch.com regarding services, classes, retreats you may be interested in that would support you in your journey into and through parenthood. Thank you for your feedback.