10 Things First-Time Moms Wished They Had Known Prior to Pregnancy, Birth, and Post-Partum

I vividly recall a conversation that took place when I was early in my pregnancy about me, and my birth. This conversation did not include me, what I thought, felt, or wanted. I felt like I was on the outside looking in at myself and what was happening "to me".  At the moment, I was not an empowered, aware, conscious co-creator. It was all just happening to me and being decided for me. My power, self authority, and birth was already being planned for me, without my active participation. I recall hearing from the father in response to someone innocently asking, "where are you going to have the baby?" He responded, "we are going to have the baby at such and such hospital." I felt like I was in a dream, disembodied, and thought silently to myself, "We are?" "Do I even have a say in the matter about my own body, baby, and birth?" I didn't even know I could ask myself what I wanted for myself or my baby, at that time. It felt so surreal! Not all women have this experience, but how many of you do to some degree? It all seems to happen so quickly and then it takes on a life of its own both literally and figuratively before we even get a chance to wrap our brains around the immense gravity of the major life- change we are about to experience. Most of us have no frame of reference for what we are about to experience, except a distant memory of our own birth, buried deep in our subconscious mind. Even if we planned to become pregnant, which many women have not, are we really prepared for what this rite of passage is really asking of us, calling forth from within us? How exactly do we prepare for something like this? Women do this all the time, but how, on earth, do they do it???? This opportunity, initiation, rite of passage, is sort of glossed over in our society. We might take some yoga classes, maybe clean up our diet, take prenatal vitamins, maybe look into some affordable childbirth classes at the local hospital, find an obstetrician, go to our appointments, have a baby shower. This is all on the surface, never addressing the deeper psychospiritual questions we don't even know how to articulate because those conversations don't really happen around birth for some reason. In place of these deeper, more important conversations, our regularly scheduled doctors appointments offer all that technology has to offer, looking for what is wrong, what could go wrong, if nothing is wrong, surely there must be something we could find. What is this birthing experience all about really? When did birth become this fear driven, unsafe, anything could go wrong event?  Does technology drive and amplify this fear? Has it come to dictate how we birth and when? Have we thought to ask ourselves the question, "what can and does go right during pregnancy and childbirth anymore?? Do we consider looking at it through that lens? Is the “what can and does” go right lens any less valid? Pregnancy offers endless sonogram opportunities, and now "opportunities" to receive vaccines, while pregnant to "prevent illnesses after birth". Are multiple sonograms and vaccines while babies are still developing in utero REALLY considered "safe?"  Is something that has become standard procedure necessarily in the best interest of the mother and child? When exactly did introducing any drug or disease into the mother's body during pregnancy become safe for the unborn child, not to mention moments after the child is born along with the astronomical ”mandatory” series that follows!? Do we dare question the “authorities” or do we just blindly trust in the procedures and protocols and assume it is o.k. because it is implied that this is what we must do for our unborn child's sake. Is this not your body and your baby? If not now, then when?

I certainly was none- the- wiser when I was pregnant with my first child. I did have an intuition that was amplified, while pregnant. All women do, the question is, do they have the courage to listen to it and follow through? This request to listen comes from a place deep inside every woman. It is a call from a long line of maternal ancestors, who lost their voice, and their power along the way. I believe pregnancy and birth is a  potent opportunity to reclaim our voice, our personal power, and our self-authority, if we allow it to emerge. When we ask questions, trust our instinct, say no to what doesn't feel right, and yes to what does, decide to delve deeper into ourselves and reconnect with our inherent knowledge about how our bodies are designed to birth without unnecessary intervention, question what we are hearing,  what is implied, and “dictated” to us about our pregnancy and birth, face our fear of birthing, take charge of our pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experience, we begin to reclaim our voice, the power of the Divine Feminine,  our body,  and our birth, one pregnancy and birth at a time. These are the opportunities that pregnancy and birth have to offer. These are the conversations we need to be having with ourselves and others.

  Furthermore, the experience I shared about myself early in pregnancy, is not the same person who birthed her child 8 months later. That woman found her power, her voice, and her self-authority during her pregnancy. She left that relationship. She moved/drove across the country and found a place to live. She found a midwife,  and a chiropractor, who served as her Doula. She bought a futon with her last $200, put it together at 8 1/2 months pregnant, birthed her baby girl AT HOME, and  raised her herself. She ROSE. She became the PHOENIX. Pregnancy and birth were the catalysts. She birthed and was birthed! She did it and so can you, not her way, but your way!

This is why I want to share with you what so many first time moms have shared with me that they wish they had known and what I wish I had known as a first time mom.

1. TRUST in your intuition and YOUR body's ability to birth

2. ASK questions!! What are the RISKS vs. the BENEFITS of every single procedure THEY tell you you have to do or IMPLY that if you don't something horrible could happen. Make sure THEY highlight the RISKS of the procedure, not just the RISKS of not allowing the procedure.

3. This is YOUR BODY and YOUR BIRTH- Be PROACTIVE about your health, move your body in healthy ways, become familiar with YOUR birthing philosophy, and choose a provider, birthing environment, and people who are supportive of your birthing philosophy, especially if you plan to birth in a hospital.

4. DO NOT watch dramatized, media driven births!! This is not reality and does not serve to support an empowering birthing experience.

5. Learn when, how, and when not to use certain interventions. Your birth is completely unique to you. It is about being informed, proactive, and as empowered as you can be regardless of the circumstances.

6. This is most likely your husband, wife's, or partner's first birth, as well. Just because they are the father, mother, or a great partner etc. doesn't mean they know the first thing about how to support you during a birth or in a hospital environment.  This can make them feel terribly helpless. Make sure you both have the support you need during this very special experience. Invest in childbirth classes that support you in your autonmy and feel empowering and informative. I suggest Hypnobirthing, Hypnobabies, Lamaze and Bradley Method. Take as many as you can. Having a Doula is worth every dime. They bring emotional and physical support to both the father and the mother and there are many documented studies that have found that having a Doula present at birth improves birthing outcomes and reduces the need for unnecessary interventions that could potentially interfere with, rather than effectively support your birthing process. A Doula can help you navigate these decisions as they arise and are there to support you in having whatever kind of birth you want. Take a breastfeeding class and read Breastfeeding Basics to prepare for the challenges that can present themselves postpartum.

7. Your birth is not a spectator sport. Be very clear about who you do and do not want in the birthing room with you. This is your birth. People have their own birth histories and traumas which you do not need projected onto your birthing experience. When you are birthing you are in a very vulnerable state and more susceptible to subliminal messages and thoughts in your environment. Choose your birth team wisely! They can be asked to leave at any time. Again this is your birth! 

8. Everything you eat, do, experience, think, and feel impacts your health and well-being, along with your baby. You are sharing a body and a consciousness. Although none of us will do this perfectly, it is important to become more aware of the impact we have during this time. Our babies, births, postpartum transition, and long-term health of mother and child are strongly influenced by the choices we make during this time.

9. Relaxation is one of the most powerful tools for having a healthier pregnancy, baby, easier birth postpartum , and parenting experience. Chronic stress or perception thereof leads to a chronic output of cortisol. Cortisol is our fight or flight hormone. Our baby has no defense against this and this affects the hippocampus(learning and memory) center of the brain. The mother's stress levels during pregnancy, can impact her unborn child's brain and nervous system development, which have implications well into the future! I cannot stress finding and implementing a practice and a lifestyle that helps you turn on your parasympathetic switch for a calmer state of mind during pregnancy. This will impact your child's disposition, support an easier birthing, postpartum, and parenting experience. Chiropractic care from someone trained to work with women during pregnancy and postpartum helps calm the nervous system and supports structural changes happening throughout pregnancy, and helps prevent breech babies. Craniosacral Therapy helps support fascial movement around those structures, calms the nervous system, releases restrictions, and is deeply relaxing for mamma and baby. Craniosacral and prenatal massage is a great adjunct to chiropractic care, as it supports relaxation and stress reduction. Acupuncture is amazing during and following pregnancy, supports energy flow, hormonal balance, relaxation, and can help turn breech babies. Childbirth classes that address the mind-body connection are especially helpful during this time, as they help the mom source the power she has within to birth and helps her learn tangible tools and strategies to access that still place within. This helps her develop a sense of calm and confidence in her own body. Sara Buckley(Ecstatic Birth) goes into detail about our birthing blueprint!! I wish I had known about this during my first birth. Prenatal Yoga helps moms to calm their mind and body. They learn specific Asanas that support  a baby's optimal birth position, strengthen birthing muscles, help build stamina, confidence, and connection with their body and baby necessary for an empowered birth. Bellydance incorporates some of the most ancient movements natural to women's body's during childbirth and helps women to deeply connect with their body, baby, and their Feminine strength, grace, and power, all necessary for an empowered birthing experience. Most importantly babies have their own agenda!! They have their own timing. They have their own karma. Sometimes no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want to control the outcome and have the perfect birth, it goes the way it goes. Sometimes the baby just won't turn no matter what we do! What is most important is that you embraced the opportunity of pregnancy and birth to grow in consciousness, in awareness, connect with your power, strength, wisdom, intuition, confidence, capability, and to surrender to that which is not in your control, which prepares you for motherhood! There is no perfect birth. There is only your birth and what you have to bring to it at this time. You are ever growing, transforming, and evolving and this is one rare and incredible opportunity to connect more fully with what you carry, as a woman! Why not dive deep?

10. Have a solid postpartum plan in place. Postpartum support is critical to a healthy transition into parenthood. Please make sure you have the support you need following birth,  for at least 30-40 days following childbirth, this includes breastfeeding support(if this is your chosen approach), inobtrusive friends who prepare food for you, a postpartum Doula, a mom, aunt, sisters, friends, regular massage,  mother warming, craniosacral therapy, diasthesis recovery, pelvic floor support, a support team you can call, someone safe you can share your birth story with, warming foods, warm blankets, stress free as possible environment, lots of rest and fluids, warming foods and teas, herbs and spices and foods/soups that strengthen, are warming, and are easy to digest. Placental encapsulation to help build strength postpartum and to help prevent postpartum depression.  Midwives and Doulas offer this service. Ample zinc, magnesium, Omegas, and vitamin D. Baby needs Vit D if soly breastfed. Look into "The closing of the bones," a Mayan Ceremony that marks the end of the 40 day transition from birth through postpartum. It marks the end of a rite of passage and a beginning of another. We are opened on all levels during birth and after 40 days it is important to call our souls back into our bodies and integrate the birth we have been through by re-rooting ourselves into our new creation, by bringing our energy back in. This helps us to move into the next phase of our motherhood and life from a more solid,  integrated, and healthy foundation.

Lastly, craniosacral therapy for infants cannot be emphasized enough because it helps them release any stress or restrictions they may have incurred during their birthing experience. If they have a tongue-tie or difficulty nursing this treatment can be helpful, as well. This is not a time to try and do it alone. There are so many resources out there that can support you through every phase of this journey. You are NOT ALONE and YOU CAN DO THIS!

Please feel free to comment or add to this list. I will be offer pregnancy, birth and postpartum Empowerment and Wellness Consultations and Sessions that are intended to support you in having the pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experience I know is possible for you! You can reach out to me through www.Mother-touch.com